Train of Thought Field Trip: Free Republic, Revisited

Fantastic victory, eh? After hearing the news about President Obama (best thing I’ve ever typed) I thought back to what DCJonesy said yesterday- specifically, that he’d be drinking during the election. Seeking to follow in his footsteps I thought about my choices here: Chinese baijiu is like liquor but awful, the Chinese wine industry is just getting started, and Chinese beer is for fat people and… well, you know.

So instead of any of that, I’m getting drunk off the tears of the Freepers. Last time we visited them (yesterday) they were joyously celebrating the death of Barack Obama’s grandmother and seriously referring to the upcoming election as an inevitable landslide victory for McCain. How they could have thought that would happen is beyond me- maybe they assumed their deepest desires (taking the vote away from African Americans and college students) had come true, or maybe they listen to Rush Limbaugh unironically.

Today is a very different day. Again taken straight from Free Republic, without any modifications:

“CWW” starts strong, naming reasons why the Republicans lost:

Weak Candidate – C’mon, be serious. If it weren’t for Palin, it would have been a worse bloodbath than it is.

Hahaha, yes, the least popular figure in the entire election was somehow actually the GOP’s greatest strength. Next, “IGOTMINE” fixes his broken capslock key long enough to offer this sobering assessment of the Republican Party’s direction:

The GOP has been losing it incrementally for a long time by moving to the socialist left in an attempt to expand the voter base.

Yes, everyone knows that to be true. I hope Republican elders are listening to “Azzurri,” because this guy knows exactly how to ensure a repeat in four years:

Oh, we’ll definitely be back! Led by SARAHCUDA!!!!
Sarah Palin’2012!!!!

Great idea, it’s not like she scares the shit out of the other 65% of the country or anything! “Revel” says what all the others are thinking:

Only one viable option remains: secession.
America is an empty shell, nothing of what the Founding Fathers stood and died for remains. It's time to stop revering them, and time to BECOME them.

I hope you weren’t planning on basing your rebellion out of Richmond again, though, because apparently we get to keep it this time. “Apastron” takes a black man winning as a sign of the end of American democracy, but he isn’t racist:

There may not be a next time.
BO has so corrupted the voting process in just this one election, imagine what it will be like next time.

I have a sad feeling “Molon Labe” won’t be able to keep his vow of silence for very long:

I am so depressed I can’t talk anymore.

Thank God he isn’t too depressed to post on Free Republic, or we’d have a real tragedy on our hands. “Kenth” is another Freeper from an alternate universe, this one unspeakably horrifying:

How soon before re-education camps open.
Been through it once,and I know I will not survive it again.

I know learning about evolution in school was tough, buddy. Maybe someday you will be whole again. Moving on: if you think “Yench500” has a really stupid username, just wait until you see him post:

He got away with this sham,I am so sick and we will never be the same ever again!! It was all about race and lies !! So what if he is not a american Citizen......

Yes That iis Bad !! Finally, “CharacterCounts” is trembling at the thought of a bunch of bla… erm, radical, people running around in the White House making a mess of all those clean white things:

Can you imagine all his radical friends having access to the White House and state secrets? I fear that we have lost the America we once knew.

So go ahead and take a shot, down a beer, pour some wine… I’m going to open up a bottled Freeper Tear business. Assuming that their distress will only grow once Obama is actually in the Oval Office, this place is going to be a font of hilarity for years to come.