Michael Steele Photoshop Contest

Monday was not a fun day for the RNC:

According to two knowledgeable sources, Republican National Committee chairman Michael Steele once raised the possibility of using party money to buy a private jet for his travel.

“I know that … regular ongoing use of planes was something that was looked at,” says one person with direct knowledge. “I can’t speak to how serious those inquiries were.” Both sources say Steele considered purchasing a plane outright, or buying fractional ownership in one, through a company such as NetJets.

. . .

Once on the ground, FEC filings suggest, Steele travels in style. A February RNC trip to California, for example, included a $9,099 stop at the Beverly Hills Hotel, $6,596 dropped at the nearby Four Seasons, and $1,620.71 spent [update: the amount is actually $1,946.25] at Voyeur West Hollywood, a bondage-themed nightclub featuring topless women dancers imitating lesbian sex.

This news presented even more problems for everyone's favorite RNC Chairman, Michael Steele, and most worrisome of all, the distinct possibility that he could resign.

We figured the only way to cope the news is to have a photoshop contest that we've been planning
since the day the pictures of Steele with his RNC interns leaked to the internetfor some time now.

Here's a link to the full set of pictures (17 total), and a preview for those who somehow haven't seen them:

A few thousand dollars at a lesbian bondage club might have cost Michael Steele his job, but they'll never take our pictures away.

Send in your submissions to thetrainofthought @ gmail.com by next Tuesday, and we'll post the results on the blog. And if his resignation rumors come true, we'll also forward the best ones over to the RNC to make sure they understand what a terrible mistake they're making. We should also probably forward some to Jon Ziegler too, just because.

Good Luck!

The Forest of Revolution

On Monday I was inspired by Glenn Beck and shared my vision of the revolution: The Apartment Building of Revolution. Today I've got three more views on the shape of the revolution, provided by JJ, Jay-Pop, and myself.

First, JJ gives us the modern conservative movement in tree form:

Hahha, gross. Next, an image I don't remember producing:

Finally, Jay-Pop drops a truth bomb on Mr. Beck:

I hate it when that happens to me, damn pterodactyls! Anyway, I'm pretty tempted to email these to the Glenn Beck Newsroom and see what comes back our way.

The Tree of Revolution

On his show last week Glenn Beck introduced an image that will be talked about for generations: “The Tree of Revolution.” Marvel at this piece beautiful piece of work:


Che… Woodrow Wilson… Saul Alinsky… ACORN! Unions… Bill Ayers… Dollar bills! Now we can all clearly see that Obama is the end result of decades of unrelated people, events and currencies. I thought Beck's extended monologue about how the art in the Rockefeller Center was an attempt to brainwash children via bronze sculptures of chariots was bizarre enough, but “The Tree of Revolution” is a clear winner. Trees are good things… except environmentalists like them so maybe they’re bad now? Does this one need to be watered with the blood of patriots, or will regular water do? The whole thing left me with more questions than answers, so I set out to create my own visual aid:


Damn that pineapple! Finally, it all makes sense. If anyone else wants to create another flowchart of revolution feel free to send it to me, and maybe I’ll post them on here at some point in the next few days.

Ed's note: More Trees of Revolution can be found here.

MSPaint Drive #2 Begins!

Let it never be said that the Train isn’t interested in giving back to the community. When we see problems that can be fixed by charitable donations of our considerable artistic prowess, we happily do what we can. Today once again we find ourselves face to face with true, undeniable need- Mr. Ziegler calls. Who out there will answer this cry for help? Here are some basic guidelines for what you should consider giving:

1. David Letterman is bad! Create images that will help rile up the masses and hopefully play some role in getting him fired for making an unfunny joke.
2. John Ziegler is good! Ziegler should somehow be involved in the picture, likely as a tool of Sarah Palin’s divine retribution.
3. Send them to me if you know my email address. Otherwise, send them to the Train email listed on the top of the right-hand column. I’ll wait until 11 or 12 EST Sunday night.
4. Send your submissions in jpeg or png format- please no 80 gigabyte uncompressed bitmaps! Also keep in mind that the column here is pretty narrow, so if you make some gigantic wide-angle masterpiece the site is going to compress it something fierce!

Go wild! To get us started I have two images: one by commenter Nimsofa and the other by yours truly.

Remember: you have until Sunday night to make something magical!

Republican Protest Attempt #2: Avenging Sarah Palin

The Train Recap: A few days ago David Letterman unleashed his scathing wit on Sarah Palin with this hilarious zinger:

“One awkward moment for Sarah Palin at the Yankee game, during the seventh inning, her daughter was knocked up by Alex Rodriguez.”

Haha, because Palin’s daughter got pregnant before, remember? It’s a thing that happened, and mentioning it in a vaguely out-of-context manner is comical. Now to be serious for a moment, that’s an impressively unfunny joke. Before we even get into anything else just take a moment and appreciate how damn hard that one falls on its face. I think the best description of the joke comes from Letterman himself, who called it "ugly," "cheap," and "in poor taste” during his apology the next day. Seven months after the election I still schedule a few minutes every day for chuckling about how awful Palin is, but that humor should come from her being a terrible politician and not from her messed up family or the exciting escapades of her daughter.

Still, the outrage from the right has this forced quality that I still can’t quite believe. Jokes about Chelsea Clinton weren’t entirely unheard of during the 90’s, and a quick review of the usual suspects on the conservative forum lineup confirms that some people are already going at Malia and Sasha Obama. The Tea Parties* have given some people a newfound appreciation for protesting, though, and someone sensed an opportunity. That person? None other than John Ziegler, the man we last saw during our first MSPaint For The Needy (no, by the way- he never responded to our generous artistic donation). That MSPaint drive was kicked off after I noticed some appalling web design on his site- a theme we’re about to see repeated!

Behold the glory of Fire David Letterman, a new site by Mr. Ziegler that somehow manages to look even crappier than The Drudge Report. I’m not joking- look at both sites, and then try to explain to me how anyone could ever come up with something that looks worse than Drudge in the year 2009. The content is even funnier- the impact of Ziegler’s claim of 47,000 petition signatories is somewhat lessened by the results from his first real-life protest: 15 protestors in New York City, a group outnumbered 2-1 by members of the media there to cover them. I’m hoping Time Magazine’s next Person of the Year will be The Underwhelming Conservative Protest, because they’re really going all out this year. Credit where credit’s due, right?

All of this got me thinking: maybe all Ziegler needs is some more artwork to help get people fired up. Look at all that white space on Fire David Letterman: isn’t there a better use for that? I’m going to create a starter image and some guidelines, and get back on here in a day or two to begin our second MSPaint For The Needy.

*Sadly the Letterman protest didn’t even draw enough people for it to get infiltrated and trolled by Laissez's Fair. Some of their excellent work from the recent protests, both of which were displayed at real Tea Parties near real deranged Tea Partiers:

MSPaint For The Needy: John Ziegler

Alright, we've officially hit the deadline for fantastic acts of patriotic artistic charity. First as a quick refresher, the original image that caught my eye:

Ugh gross. Time to give him images he'll treasure for years to come! The first submission comes from J-Wo:

That eagle picture is an exceptional choice, and the lense flare really adds a certain je ne se qua. Unhappy with my first creation, I myself prepared this as a second offering:

Web2.0 is upon us, and that one will remind everyone about the cutting-edge content offered on Ziegler's site. DCJonesy made this, which I think you'll agree is a labor of love:

I've heard it said that Ziegler's only weakness is his compulsion to honk because he loves America, to the point where he'll neglect eating and sleeping for days at a time if someone nearby is holding one of those signs. Next up JJ created pieces that belong in an art exhibition- the images section of ziagelaler.com will have to do for now:

Seriously click on those if you want to take in every beautiful detail. I'd say our first MSPaint charity drive has been an outstanding success, so now it's time for the next step: sending our work to Ziegler himself. If anyone out there was late getting their contribution to me or had another one planned I'll give you until midnight Monday, but after that they're getting shot across the vastness of the internet straight into Ziegler's mailbox. Will he appreciate our efforts? Will he go blind with rage (which he's well known for doing on occasion)? Find out next time!

The First MSPaint Train For The Needy

John Ziegler is an important guy. While I posted a few days ago about his upcoming cinematic event, Media Malpractice, yesterday JJ noticed that he’s scheduled to speak at CPAC along with an unannounced guest*. Being interviewed at CPAC is serious business given that past speakers have included Presidents and Senators, and this year’s lineup is no disappointment: Joe the Plumber and Hans von Spakovsky also get some time in the spotlight.

Knowing all that, the state of Ziegler's website seems even sadder. Remember this picture?

The misspelling is just the beginning- that image is really boring! The flag and grid background speak of an artist not motivated to provide even the bare minimum. Ziegler should have a site fit for a king, something that bewilders the eyes and boggles the mind. It is with this in mind that I hereby announce the first MSPaint Train for the Needy! I even made a starter image to get us moving:


Using my guru-like mastery of the principles of graphic design and the five elemental magics I conjured that up as an offering. Note my careful implementation of an attractive coloring scheme and the use of fundamental spacing skills to draw the eye from area to area. Then I accidentally converted it from jpeg to bmp a dozen times, resulting in ugly jpeg artifacts and washed-out colors, but I’m sure he won’t mind. It’s a masterpiece!

The rest is up to you. Create tasteful works of conservative art that could adorn his website for years to come. Email them to me or to the Train of Thought email address (should be on the top right of the page) by midnight Sunday (East Coast time). I’ll post them all on Monday, and if we have some real winners I’ll even email them to Ziegler and offer help for any future endeavors** he might have in the works. Good luck to all!


*Gosh I wonder who that might be, you betcha.
** Someone has to create a movie poster for Media Malpractice- it may as well be us!