Thursday, November 13, 2008

Some Insight Into Our Ridiculous Country

Courtesy of Wikipedia: a list of presidential pet names. All the recent ones are common-enough knowledge to be worth skipping, so let's start with the '70s and work our way backwards:

Jimmy Carter:
• Grits - dog
• Misty Malarky Ying Yang - Siamese cat

Lyndon B. Johnson:
• Beagle and Little Beagle - beagles
• Him and Her - beagles
• Blanco - white Collie
• Yuki - mongrel dog

John F. Kennedy:
• Macaroni - pony
• Butterfly, White Tips, Blackie, and Streaker - (offspring of Pushinka and Charlie)

Harry S Truman:
• Monster Jungle X-ray - Boa Constrictor

What the fuck. I mean, sure, some creativity with pet names is to be expected. But Misty Malarky Ying Yang? Monster Jungle X-Ray? Who are these people?

This is a heavily abridged list, I might add. Kennedy had 19 pets, for example, it just seemed particularly worth noting that the man named his pony Macaroni.

Moving down a few more decades, we get to Calvin Coolidge. Suffice it to note that he named his cat "Tiger," while also keeping two lion cubs at the white house. Or, not suffice it to note, because the rest of his list is also completely out of this world:

• Boston Beans - Bulldog
• Rebecca and Horace - Raccoons
• Smoky - Bobcat
• Tiger - cat
• Wallaby
• Two lion cubs
• Antelope
• Billy - Pygmy hippo

Naturally, I don't have to tell you that Theodore Roosevelt had a menagerie, though naming a Garter Snake "Emily Spinach" could show, I dunno, something, about what the country is like in those days. Really, though, the prize from that era goes William McKinley. Why? Because he named his pet parrot "The Washington Post."

Unfortunately, things get a little boring during the 18th an 19th centuries. Aside from Van Buren's tiger cubs and John Quincy Adams's Silkworms and American Alligator, there's just George Washington. But oh, is there George Washington:

• Sweet Lips, Scentwell and Vulcan - American Staghounds
• Drunkard, Taster, Tipler and Tipsy - Black and Tan Coonhounds
• Royal Gift - Donkey

America: Yeah, we kinda tend to elect insane people.

1 comment:

  1. Beagle and Little Beagle - beagles

    Really? That takes laziness to new levels.