Thursday, March 12, 2009

Train of Thought Field Trip: KBR Defense Squad

“We must guard against the acquisition of unwarranted influence, whether sought or unsought, by the military-industrial complex.”
-Dwight D. Eisenhower

-Free Republic

KBR, the massive company which happily follows our military around the globe and laps up incomprehensibly huge sums of money for construction/maintenance/whatever, is in the news again. This time they stand accused of constructing bathrooms that electrocute soldiers, leading to at least one death. The soldiers were exposed to the electricity whenever they washed their hands or showered, because KBR somehow electrified the actual water flow. They do get some credit for screwing up in a way I didn’t even realize was possible, but one more time: KBR created soldier-killing sinks and showers that electrocute their victims.

Naturally this isn’t the first time KBR has gotten in trouble for doing horrendously ignorant crap- last year they exposed up to 433 soldiers to hexavalent chromium, a carcinogen which frequently causes lung cancer. Bad as that may be, it’s nowhere near as gross as this one: KBR served troops with ice that had previously been used to chill corpses. The vomit-tacular article from Army Times states that the ice “still had traces of body fluids and putrefied remains” and that this incident was one of several that led to a number of troops falling ill.

With all this in mind I started to wonder how Free Republic was taking to the news. “Support our troops” is one of their favorite bumper stickers, and mumbling about how liberals hate the armed forces is a beloved pastime over there. Surely they’re incensed by the idea of a company senselessly killing American troops abroad, and serving them zombie corpse-ice, right? Right?

Hahaha of course not. Bboop can see the real motive behind these stories:

BE suspicious. IF they did it, yes, they deserve
to be investigated. But this stinks of libs going
after Cheney and HB deep pockets to me. At least
they can cause them to rack up amazing legal costs.
They have always hated Haliburton and Cheney, too.
Yeah, all those libs working in THE ARMY TIMES constructed this elaborate ruse. THE ARMY TIMES, mind you. Not Secret Liberal Agenda Today, not The Fuck You KBR Post, THE ARMY TIMES. Stinks of liberal media bias to me! Eaglestar is happy that these abuses have been brought to light:

Funny how CNN has the ability to find a “scoop”
when it wants to while at the same time being in
the dark on others.
“Take weak potshots at the media” is just a little bit more important than “support our troops” for him, but I’m sure other posters will get back to the subject at hand. Right, LayoutGuru2?

“Good Stuff” - Rick Sanchez, CNN
No bias there! None whatsoever! Move along now!
That’s a pretty weak argument even by the lax standards of liberal media claims, so consider me impressed once more. Dead firmly holds KBR’s feet to the fire:

I don't mean to sound callous over the death of
the soldier, because I'm not, but it was a war
zone and I'm sure the work is not easy for anybody
over there.

Yep, that excuses the electrical problems going unfixed months after they were detected, and somehow switching the “food ice” and “dead body ice” supplies. Kempster (I think his posts have been featured here previously? I need to start keeping track of repeat offenders!) appears to be literally living in the past, using some sort of flux capacitor-enabled computer to send his posts to the present:

That's because they will report anything that might
have a chance of relecting poorly on George W. Bush.
It is their mantra.
Popdonnelly finally manages to focus on the story itself, remember the bit with KBR harming/killing Americans?

Further evidence that there’s no reason to watch CNN.
Oh whoops, I must have imagined the post I wrote about up there. MrPiper engages in some good old-fashioned apologetics:

Industrial accidents happen, and sabotage is unheard
of, IN A WAR ZONE!!!
That’s right, it was sabotage! Those craft a-rabs snuck into the base by cover of night and messed with the utility system as part of their ongoing plot to kill Americans in increasingly outlandish ways. “You switched their water and electricity? Not bad, but I managed to hijack their ice trucks and made a most disgusting switch! Bizarre deaths and health code violations to America!” Seenenuf takes us home with a post that showcases his powerful imagination and masterful skill with words:

The Dems hang-out in a pit of vipers all screwing
and eating each other while being victims.
In summary: (vomits wildly)


  1. First of all, your feeble attempt at humor fails miserably. Trying to be like John Stewart with with your offputting wit? Way to go cool dude,you are so smart! Go back to your Funny how liberals and sarcasm reminds me of a two-year old throwing a temper tantrum.

  2. hey hey! only about seven or eight of these before someone finally noticed, hooray! maybe we can score an interview with Jim Cramer out of this.

    btw, Go back to your Funny how liberals and sarcasm reminds me of a two-year old throwing a temper tantrum.

    ... you honestly can't make this stuff up, can you? It's Funny to me how Purple mountains conservatives Airplanes potato chips.

  3. Yeah you Carrot Top wanna-be mother fucker!

    (Help me out if you remember the exact words)

  4. bidwell have you ever been struck by lightning... twice? also you didnt finish the sentence telling me to go back somewhere, please advise.

    dcjonesy- how did he even find this, googling "kbr free republic vomit-tacular" or something? or does he just scour the depths of google results trying to find every chance to defend KBR?

    jj- yes i believe that was it.

  5. You have a hater! Think you will be posted on his/her blog?

    I like that Bidwell started with "First of all," but didn't follow up with secondly. Is there a second point in there?

    Also, I'd never consider you cool, but you are funny.

  6. I wonder if that gap was him censoring himself mid sentence....

  7. "offputting wit"?

    Isn't that a compliment?

  8. @Bidwell, you spelled Jon Stewart wrong. Otherwise. Dead on.

    I wish J.N. WOULD go back to Funny how liberals and sarcasm reminds me of a two-year old throwing a temper tantrum. You were much cooler in those days.

    Although, I do like your direction of how conservative sarcasm reminds me of an oxymoron hitting its head against a wall.

  9. why don't they ever come back :(

    it'd be nice for the train to have a resident wingnut, someone to shit up the comments box with aplomb for our amusement.