Monday, February 16, 2009

Train of Thought Field Trip: Peak Conservatism

“Peak conservatism is the point in time when the maximum rate of American conservatism is reached, after which the rate of conservatism enters terminal decline. The concept is based on the observed production rates of individual conservatives, and the combined ‘being conservative’ rate of all current conservatives.”

The White House has been graced by a bust of Winston Churchill for several years now. After the 9-11 attacks the British government gave it to George Bush as a gesture of solidarity and a statement of willingness to follow Bush on whatever moronic endeavors he should choose to pursue. Nowadays all that remains of that era is two ongoing wars and the bust, which greeted Obama last month when he sat behind the Oval Office desk for the first time. Today Obama shocked millions of Britons and international bust enthusiasts when he chose to return it to England, despite a British offer to extend its stay.

The most important fact to be aware of when hearing about this story is that the bust itself can be objectively described as “fucking hideous,” as you can see here:

Look at it! Having to make decisions with that thing in the room may actually account for a good number of Bush-era disasters. The apparent show of goodwill from the British now looks pretty different as well: “Something went horribly, terribly awry in the sculptors quarters… maybe we can pawn it off on Dubya” doesn’t have much of a noble ring to it. Still if there’s one thing you can depend on in this life, it’s that any story featuring Obama will instantly cause freepers to collectively shit their pants, regardless of how unexciting it is.

I think the internet may have actually reached Peak Conservatism in the reaction to this story. Watch in awe as the denizens of Free Republic get angry in defense of art for the first time in their lives:

First, FreeDumb2003 lives up to his username:

Yes, lets insult our closest ally in the world.
This fuhrer is painfully stupid. I hope we survive his

2ndDivisionVet makes the first of what you can imagine turned out to be a trillion references to Free Republic’s favorite religion:

He probably had to make room for a bust of The
Grand Mufti of Jerusalem, Sheikh Ekrima Sabri.

DogBarkTree got my hopes up with the first sentence of his post:

Sorry but I dont feel a whole lot of sympathy for
the Brits. Whit the exception f the few traditional
British patriots left, most of England has gone
socialist, soft, and sharia. They bought into the
messiah act so now they can choke on it.

…but then I remembered that references to Britain sharing a spot of blame for our current predicament (both in recent history and in their role of putting a lot of these domino pieces in place during the colonial era) probably don’t get a lot of mileage over there. Anyways this is what Mkcc30 knows will happen:

He will replace it with Lenin’s corpse on loan from Russia.

NonValueAdded gives us an Obama nickname I don’t recall seeing before, although he better hope his post isn’t interpreted as an offer by some British agency trying to find a new home for that monstrosity of a bust:

Quite frankly, I’d suspect Winston would be quite
relieved to be out of there, but that doesn’t excuse
the inexcusable action of the Obamateur.

What’s Up may have noticed a potentially more realistic explanation:

Hussein's angry that Churchill acted against his
grandfather who was part of a Kenyan rebellion in
the 50's. This is what happens when we elect an
African to the WH.

Wait, what happens- we notice that colonialism might not have actually been a rollicking good time for everyone involved? What a horrible age to be alive. Ilgipper wraps this one up with a fantastical reimagining of pretty much all of the last century:

Symbolically right on. Bush as a Churchill (minus
the communication skill). He was a Churchill in
doing what is right. The new guy is a Chamberlain.
Does not recognize evil. Cannot identify the enemy.

Always a pleasure! Soon we’ll see if this does indeed denote the high water mark of conservative internet insanity, or if discoveries of new conservative resources place this landmark event further in the future.


  1. Nothing inspires great work in the Oval Office than an amazingly creepy sculpture.

    There are enough ghosts and other creepy things in the white house, no need to add a bust with an intensely scary blank scare to the mix.

  2. I found this article from the BBC back in 2002 comparing Bush to Churchill because honestly I did know this statue even existed until this post by J.N.. And, I am guessing this article was published shortly after Bush received this strange bronze work.

    To give you the general tone of the piece ( here is an excerpt; a quote from the grandson of Winston Churchill, Nicholas Soames:

    "I think Churchill, if he was alive now, would be anxious about the Americans' apparent constant grandstanding without giving the reasons."

    And maybe I am about to state the obvious, but I feel that the returning of this very freaky looking bust represents more than just the removal of an ugly statue. And, this has nothing to with dishonoring or insulting Britain. President Obama is making a statement that he does not compare himself to Winston Churchill and that the Iraq war is certainly not our WWII.

  3. Given some of what I've been reading here in the past weeks, I think the last guy might actually be right about a teeensy fraction of his post. Obama cannot identify the enemy - the republican party. He needs to realize that no matter how much he wants to be buddy-buddy with these guys, they're already busy thinking of ways to make him look like an idiot in 2012. Not only that, he might need to consider that it's actually to the republicans advantage, politically speaking, if the economy stays in the tubes or gets worse over the next four years (it's better to reign in hell than to serve in heaven).

  4. I'm Winston Churchill. Would you like some tea? I would because I'm Winston Churchill. Would you like a crumpet? I would because I'm Winston Churchill. Do you like to wear knickers? I do because I'm Winston Churchill.