Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Republican Protest Attempt #2: Avenging Sarah Palin

The Train Recap: A few days ago David Letterman unleashed his scathing wit on Sarah Palin with this hilarious zinger:

“One awkward moment for Sarah Palin at the Yankee game, during the seventh inning, her daughter was knocked up by Alex Rodriguez.”

Haha, because Palin’s daughter got pregnant before, remember? It’s a thing that happened, and mentioning it in a vaguely out-of-context manner is comical. Now to be serious for a moment, that’s an impressively unfunny joke. Before we even get into anything else just take a moment and appreciate how damn hard that one falls on its face. I think the best description of the joke comes from Letterman himself, who called it "ugly," "cheap," and "in poor taste” during his apology the next day. Seven months after the election I still schedule a few minutes every day for chuckling about how awful Palin is, but that humor should come from her being a terrible politician and not from her messed up family or the exciting escapades of her daughter.

Still, the outrage from the right has this forced quality that I still can’t quite believe. Jokes about Chelsea Clinton weren’t entirely unheard of during the 90’s, and a quick review of the usual suspects on the conservative forum lineup confirms that some people are already going at Malia and Sasha Obama. The Tea Parties* have given some people a newfound appreciation for protesting, though, and someone sensed an opportunity. That person? None other than John Ziegler, the man we last saw during our first MSPaint For The Needy (no, by the way- he never responded to our generous artistic donation). That MSPaint drive was kicked off after I noticed some appalling web design on his site- a theme we’re about to see repeated!

Behold the glory of Fire David Letterman, a new site by Mr. Ziegler that somehow manages to look even crappier than The Drudge Report. I’m not joking- look at both sites, and then try to explain to me how anyone could ever come up with something that looks worse than Drudge in the year 2009. The content is even funnier- the impact of Ziegler’s claim of 47,000 petition signatories is somewhat lessened by the results from his first real-life protest: 15 protestors in New York City, a group outnumbered 2-1 by members of the media there to cover them. I’m hoping Time Magazine’s next Person of the Year will be The Underwhelming Conservative Protest, because they’re really going all out this year. Credit where credit’s due, right?

All of this got me thinking: maybe all Ziegler needs is some more artwork to help get people fired up. Look at all that white space on Fire David Letterman: isn’t there a better use for that? I’m going to create a starter image and some guidelines, and get back on here in a day or two to begin our second MSPaint For The Needy.

*Sadly the Letterman protest didn’t even draw enough people for it to get infiltrated and trolled by Laissez's Fair. Some of their excellent work from the recent protests, both of which were displayed at real Tea Parties near real deranged Tea Partiers:


  1. 1. If rather than seeking privacy for your pregnant daughter you parade her around in front of the nation as some sort of moralistic sideshow for 6 months, don't be surprised when she becomes a part of the public discourse, and fodder for comedians.

    2. If you didn't even bother to tell your daughter that you were running for vice president and therefore making her complicated personal life national news for 6 months, I'm pretty sure that makes you a worthless human being who should be shunned by society.

    3. Why don't people call her out on flat out lying about what Letterman said? Regardless about what people think of the jokes, they were about Bristol, the pregnant national figure, not blanket, or trigg, or whatever the fuck their underage daughter's name is that they claimed Letterman made a rape joke about. They flat out made that up because, I don't know... SHE'S A LOSING VP CANDIDATE AND NEEDS TO DO WHATEVER SHE CAN TO STAY IN THE NEWS, EVEN IF IT MEANS MAKING UP A STORY INVOLVING RAPE JOKES ABOUT YOUR UNDERAGE DAUGHTER.

    4. I'm more concerned with what Levi thinks about this whole thing:
    "I don't think he meant to hurt anybody," says Johnston, 19. "He's a comedian. That's what he does...People are going to make jokes and they're going to talk and say whatever they want. You can't do nothing about it."

    I'm glad we live in a world where the 19 year old "hockey stud" who knocked up the governor's daughter can respond more rationally to a "controversy" than the woman who was almost a heartbeat away from the US Presidency. Jesus.

  2. @JJ. at least the kid will grow up to be half rational. as opposed to completely bat-shit crazy.

    i think you went a little too far on your second point. worthless is kind of a strong word. maybe you should apologize to the Palins.

  3. did anyone else notice this gem on the Fire Letterman website:


    [8-point black regular lettering]
    By subscribing to this list, you are adding your name to a letter
    that will be sent to CBS..."

    They got their signatures by hiding the "you're signing a petition" part in the fine print. Maybe that's why they have 47,000 "signatories" and 15 attendees.

  4. JJ- Yeah, Palin pretty much made her fair game. Still, lettermans joke fails the first test of a joke- "is it funny?"

    Did Palin herself claim that the joke was about the 14 year old, or that there was rape involved? I've seen freepers running wild with that as their claim, but I haven't read Palin directly saying that (unless I have and reading it sent me into another palin amnesia coma thing)

    nimsofa- want to protest outside of JJs house? FIREJJ.COM will be up and running momentarily!

    jaypop- haha good find. im still surprised he got 47,000 even with that, but i guess a bunch of them are just morbidly curious about what kind of crap ziegler will send you if you give him the chance.

  5. @JN: Yeah, I was pretty shocked too cause it sounded like freeper craziness, but no, it started with comments from Palin and her husband:

    "The governor's spokeswoman, Meg Stapleton, sent these two statements, the first from Todd: "Any 'jokes' about raping my 14-year-old are despicable. Alaskans know it and I believe the rest of the world knows it, too."

    The next was from the governor: "Concerning Letterman's comments about my young daughter (and I doubt he'd ever dare make such comments about anyone else's daughter): 'Laughter incited by sexually-perverted comments made by a 62-year-old male celebrity aimed at a 14-year-old girl is not only disgusting, but it reminds us some Hollywood/NY entertainers have a long way to go in understanding what the rest of America understands -- that acceptance of inappropriate sexual comments about an underage girl, who could be anyone's daughter, contributes to the atrociously high rate of sexual exploitation of minors by older men who use and abuse others.'""

  6. Hold your horses everybody. Olive Garden just pulled their ads on Letterman.

    To say we're in an uphill battle would be, at this juncture, a gross understatement.