“Going Rogue” Arrives

Two days ago I posted a field trip to Free Republic where one poster commended Sarah Palin for her strategic masterstroke: the release of her book. Incredibly, Republicans still don’t seem to have gotten the message about how the rest of the country sees her:

Most - 60 percent - in the new poll say the former Alaska governor is not qualified to serve as president, and her favorability rating remains stuck well below what it was when she first emerged on the national scene at last year's Republican convention.

The 53 percent who say they would definitely not vote for Palin now is nearly twice the percentage who said so of her 2008 running mate John McCain in the spring of 2006 (28 percent).

Women tend to be more critical of Palin than are men, with female Democrats and independents more apt than their male counterparts to view her unfavorably, see her as not qualified for the presidency and say they would not support her candidacy.

The far right may want another Bush, but the rest of the country has no interest. For some reason this just seems to further endear her to her supporters, though. Jon Zliegar, a man we’ve mentioned once or twice here in the past, has just posted his review of Going Rogue:

I was simply blown away by Going Rogue on almost every level. For many reasons, this is by far the best book and greatest literary achievement by a political figure in my lifetime.

Oh great, off to a good start. Zilger goes on to recap what Palin has been up to for the last year:

[She has] given birth to a child with Down Syndrome, had her teenage daughter’s unwed pregnancy become world wide news, had her first son sent to Iraq, was picked as a VP candidate and was the target of the most inaccurate media coverage in modern history, got blamed for losing the race to a man whose election she rightly believes is horrible for our country, had rape jokes made about her fourteen-year-old daughter on national television, and was forced to resign from the governorship of the state she loves because a bunch of losers made it impossible for her to do her job productively.

Züelger is spinning it so hard, that paragraph has developed its own gravity with satellites and an asteroid belt and everything. Ok, so what if half that list bears no resemblance to what happened in reality? Moving on:

Going Rogue is actually several books in one. It is a compelling biography, a gripping campaign tell-all, an expose on the sad state of our news media, a substantive outline of a political philosophy and even a comprehensive refutation of juicy tabloid rumors.

Crazy woman speaks in tongues at local church, pursues personal vendettas during time as mayor of tiny Alaskan town, becomes governor just in time to get lifted up as a VP candidate by a campaign that immediately regrets choosing her, succeeds because she manages to get geriatric conservatives all hot and bothered despite throwing the race, goes on to write political facebook updates that would embarrass even the worst columnists: a compelling life story if I’ve ever heard one. Throw in the stuff about her terrifying campaign rallies and getting outfoxed by Katie Couric and you just might have a bestseller! Hold on, Zglassere actually mentions Couric:

Katie Couric is rightfully eviscerated for her conduct during her numerous interviews with Palin (for which Couric was laughably given a Walter Cronkite Journalism Award from USC). This was not done (as it has been portrayed in the news media) out of spite or revenge, but rather, as Palin proves in the book, because Couric’s agenda was as clear as it was inappropriate.

This is what the conservative persecution complex has led to: interviewers can’t ask Republican politicians the simplest questions without being accused of having an “inappropriate” agenda. I’m honestly amazed that after eight years of George Bush they still haven’t accepted that some politicians aren’t that great at using the English language: every botched interview has to be the fault of some shadowy, overarching liberal conspiracy to make Palin look dumb by asking her what newspaper she reads. Finally, Zarglar looks forward:

I believe that if this book is the success that it could and should be, there will be a groundswell among the Republican base demanding that she run. I strongly believe that if every Republican primary voter reads this book, Sarah Palin will win the 2012 nomination in a landslide, whether she wants it or not.

Today the Republican base is good at exactly one thing: grabbing the wheel and driving the GOP off a cliff. The idea of them strong-arming the rest of the party into rallying behind Palin is too great for words. Let us hope that Z-gizzy is right about this one- and by the way, good luck winning a national election with less than 47% of the vote.

(Ed's note: John Ziegler, seen here crossing the Delaware)

MSPaint Drive #2 Begins!

Let it never be said that the Train isn’t interested in giving back to the community. When we see problems that can be fixed by charitable donations of our considerable artistic prowess, we happily do what we can. Today once again we find ourselves face to face with true, undeniable need- Mr. Ziegler calls. Who out there will answer this cry for help? Here are some basic guidelines for what you should consider giving:

1. David Letterman is bad! Create images that will help rile up the masses and hopefully play some role in getting him fired for making an unfunny joke.
2. John Ziegler is good! Ziegler should somehow be involved in the picture, likely as a tool of Sarah Palin’s divine retribution.
3. Send them to me if you know my email address. Otherwise, send them to the Train email listed on the top of the right-hand column. I’ll wait until 11 or 12 EST Sunday night.
4. Send your submissions in jpeg or png format- please no 80 gigabyte uncompressed bitmaps! Also keep in mind that the column here is pretty narrow, so if you make some gigantic wide-angle masterpiece the site is going to compress it something fierce!

Go wild! To get us started I have two images: one by commenter Nimsofa and the other by yours truly.

Remember: you have until Sunday night to make something magical!

Republican Protest Attempt #2: Avenging Sarah Palin

The Train Recap: A few days ago David Letterman unleashed his scathing wit on Sarah Palin with this hilarious zinger:

“One awkward moment for Sarah Palin at the Yankee game, during the seventh inning, her daughter was knocked up by Alex Rodriguez.”

Haha, because Palin’s daughter got pregnant before, remember? It’s a thing that happened, and mentioning it in a vaguely out-of-context manner is comical. Now to be serious for a moment, that’s an impressively unfunny joke. Before we even get into anything else just take a moment and appreciate how damn hard that one falls on its face. I think the best description of the joke comes from Letterman himself, who called it "ugly," "cheap," and "in poor taste” during his apology the next day. Seven months after the election I still schedule a few minutes every day for chuckling about how awful Palin is, but that humor should come from her being a terrible politician and not from her messed up family or the exciting escapades of her daughter.

Still, the outrage from the right has this forced quality that I still can’t quite believe. Jokes about Chelsea Clinton weren’t entirely unheard of during the 90’s, and a quick review of the usual suspects on the conservative forum lineup confirms that some people are already going at Malia and Sasha Obama. The Tea Parties* have given some people a newfound appreciation for protesting, though, and someone sensed an opportunity. That person? None other than John Ziegler, the man we last saw during our first MSPaint For The Needy (no, by the way- he never responded to our generous artistic donation). That MSPaint drive was kicked off after I noticed some appalling web design on his site- a theme we’re about to see repeated!

Behold the glory of Fire David Letterman, a new site by Mr. Ziegler that somehow manages to look even crappier than The Drudge Report. I’m not joking- look at both sites, and then try to explain to me how anyone could ever come up with something that looks worse than Drudge in the year 2009. The content is even funnier- the impact of Ziegler’s claim of 47,000 petition signatories is somewhat lessened by the results from his first real-life protest: 15 protestors in New York City, a group outnumbered 2-1 by members of the media there to cover them. I’m hoping Time Magazine’s next Person of the Year will be The Underwhelming Conservative Protest, because they’re really going all out this year. Credit where credit’s due, right?

All of this got me thinking: maybe all Ziegler needs is some more artwork to help get people fired up. Look at all that white space on Fire David Letterman: isn’t there a better use for that? I’m going to create a starter image and some guidelines, and get back on here in a day or two to begin our second MSPaint For The Needy.

*Sadly the Letterman protest didn’t even draw enough people for it to get infiltrated and trolled by Laissez's Fair. Some of their excellent work from the recent protests, both of which were displayed at real Tea Parties near real deranged Tea Partiers:

MSPaint For The Needy: John Ziegler

Alright, we've officially hit the deadline for fantastic acts of patriotic artistic charity. First as a quick refresher, the original image that caught my eye:

Ugh gross. Time to give him images he'll treasure for years to come! The first submission comes from J-Wo:

That eagle picture is an exceptional choice, and the lense flare really adds a certain je ne se qua. Unhappy with my first creation, I myself prepared this as a second offering:

Web2.0 is upon us, and that one will remind everyone about the cutting-edge content offered on Ziegler's site. DCJonesy made this, which I think you'll agree is a labor of love:

I've heard it said that Ziegler's only weakness is his compulsion to honk because he loves America, to the point where he'll neglect eating and sleeping for days at a time if someone nearby is holding one of those signs. Next up JJ created pieces that belong in an art exhibition- the images section of ziagelaler.com will have to do for now:

Seriously click on those if you want to take in every beautiful detail. I'd say our first MSPaint charity drive has been an outstanding success, so now it's time for the next step: sending our work to Ziegler himself. If anyone out there was late getting their contribution to me or had another one planned I'll give you until midnight Monday, but after that they're getting shot across the vastness of the internet straight into Ziegler's mailbox. Will he appreciate our efforts? Will he go blind with rage (which he's well known for doing on occasion)? Find out next time!

The First MSPaint Train For The Needy

John Ziegler is an important guy. While I posted a few days ago about his upcoming cinematic event, Media Malpractice, yesterday JJ noticed that he’s scheduled to speak at CPAC along with an unannounced guest*. Being interviewed at CPAC is serious business given that past speakers have included Presidents and Senators, and this year’s lineup is no disappointment: Joe the Plumber and Hans von Spakovsky also get some time in the spotlight.

Knowing all that, the state of Ziegler's website seems even sadder. Remember this picture?

The misspelling is just the beginning- that image is really boring! The flag and grid background speak of an artist not motivated to provide even the bare minimum. Ziegler should have a site fit for a king, something that bewilders the eyes and boggles the mind. It is with this in mind that I hereby announce the first MSPaint Train for the Needy! I even made a starter image to get us moving:


Using my guru-like mastery of the principles of graphic design and the five elemental magics I conjured that up as an offering. Note my careful implementation of an attractive coloring scheme and the use of fundamental spacing skills to draw the eye from area to area. Then I accidentally converted it from jpeg to bmp a dozen times, resulting in ugly jpeg artifacts and washed-out colors, but I’m sure he won’t mind. It’s a masterpiece!

The rest is up to you. Create tasteful works of conservative art that could adorn his website for years to come. Email them to me or to the Train of Thought email address (should be on the top right of the page) by midnight Sunday (East Coast time). I’ll post them all on Monday, and if we have some real winners I’ll even email them to Ziegler and offer help for any future endeavors** he might have in the works. Good luck to all!


*Gosh I wonder who that might be, you betcha.
** Someone has to create a movie poster for Media Malpractice- it may as well be us!

Hype Train: “Media Malpractice- How Obama Got Elected”

Subtitle: “and Palin Was Targeted”

Check out this hot promotional video for the upcoming documentary by John Ziegler! Some background on Ziegler first- he spent some time seriously planning to kill OJ Simpson after he was found innocent, he’s been fired from one job in talk radio for saying “nigger” on air, and from another for discussing on air the “physical attributes, intimate attire, and genital grooming” of a former girlfriend after she dumped him. If you aren't at least moderately revolted you should read that sentence again, you missed something. Don’t let all that get in the way of enjoying this preview, though:

“Media Malpractice: The Trailer”

Sarah Palin returns! The prospect of not having her around to constantly say mind-bogglingly ignorant crap all the time was genuinely starting to get to me, and dealing with the anticipation for the joyous day when her book is released doesn't help. Speaking of which, is anyone interested in having a live Train of Thought book reading/wasted-getting to celebrate when it finally shows up?

Back to the trailer, though- some general observations. First: John Ziegler looks, sounds, and acts like as much of a douchebag as you would expect for a guy who’s been fired for dropping the n-bomb. Next, one can’t help but to notice that this grand confirmation of high-level media bias seems to be built on a firm foundation of Jay-Walking style research. “Look, I asked a handful of Obama supporters questions, and they couldn’t answer all of them! Brainwashing!” Even the constantly-befuddled Alan Colmes notices that something doesn’t quite follow there. Zeigler later went on to commission a Zogby poll, but neglected to include McCain supporters- which even Bill O'Reilly found ridiculous. Bill O'Reilly as a voice of reason, what is happening to the world?!

Next, Ziegler apparently misses the irony of complaining about the fascist liberal media by way of showing clips of them happily giving him a platform to… rant about the evils of the fascist liberal media! Conservatives don’t have a voice in the media, he bawls, as endless clips of the media en-voicening him flash past.

The best stuff shows up next, with Terry McAuliffe being a whiny baby (his role as chairman of the Hillary Clinton campaign isn’t mentioned) and Sarah Palin airing some deep thoughts about how the media was really mean to her. I can’t even guess what possible meaning one is supposed to draw from the bits with black people being happy about Obama winning, unless Ziegler is hoping that the entire Stormfront demographic will crawl out of their holes to buy the documentary.

All in all, this has me highly excited to view the whole thing. On a scale of 1-100, with twenty points possible for the five categories of “partisan hackery,” “a stunning disrespect for science,” “racism,” “heroic levels of ignorance,” and “general depravity,” I give Media Malpractice 86 points. I leave you with this awesome graphic from his SERIOUS BUSINESS website, where he evidently doesn’t care about useless nuances like spelling his own name correctly: