Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Announcing a new PAC: Say hello to the COYOTES!

Woe unto Obama. Recent nationwide polls indicate that Barack still has a lead, while the GOP has yet to find an effective attack on the Democratic candidate. Contributions continue to flow, giving him a large cash advantage. Meanwhile, the Republicans still can’t muster any enthusiasm for their McCain.

Many people would like to have you believe that this is all good news for Obama. The mainstream media, on the other hand, knows better. They realize that even if he wins the presidential election, he will forever be a loser if he can’t bring in the PUMAs. This new group has basked in the media spotlight for weeks, while the ongoing stories of their nearly unrivalled political power fill the nation with awe. Millions, maybe billions of dollars! Ah right, turned out to only be a few thousand. Well still, huge numbers of voters! Not enough to show up in any polls or anything, but… Hey, look at their latest rally, a huge crowd stretching back to the horizon! Turned out to only be a small throng though, maybe a handful depending on your standards. Still, the media insists they’re a force to be reckoned with, so that’s what I’m going to assume is true. Look, we’ve even had posts here trembling with indescribable terror from their Herculean strength.

Now I’m proud to announce the newest irrelevant Democratic splinter group: the COYOTES! That’s right, it stands for Clods Ordering Yes (Onwards!) To EdwardS. So what if Edwards dropped out of the race, has endorsed Obama, and has in the meantime been subjected to the humiliating discovery of his ongoing affair while his wife fights cancer? It’s time to fight for what Edwards promised us: a clod in the White House!

Coming soon, the first official press release from COYOTE headquarters, some COYOTE trivia, and maybe some pictures of actual coyotes, they’re pretty cool.

1 comment:

  1. WE'RE ALL CRYING AND YELLING FOR EDWARDS BACK AT COYOTE HQ. bark...woof...yip,yip,..what the hell sound does a coyote make, again? do they howl like wolves?