Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Ted Stevens’ Wallet Is Not a Dump Truck

We here at Train of Thought are proud to have the first exclusive statement from Senator Ted Stevens, who was indicted by a federal grand jury on seven counts of falsely reporting income yesterday.
I just the other day got, a bribe was sent by my staff at 10 o'clock in the morning on Friday and I just got it yesterday. Why?

Because it got tangled up with all these things going on in the economy legally.

So you want to talk about the consumer? Let's talk about you and me. We use these bribes to communicate and we aren't using them for legal purposes.

We aren't earning anything by not taking bribes! Now I'm not saying you have to or you want to discriminate against bribers.

The regulatory approach is wrong. Your approach is regulatory in the sense that it says "No one can bribe anyone for political favors". No, I'm not finished. I want people to understand my position, I'm not going to take a lot of time.

They want to deliver vast amounts of bribes to my wallet. And again, my wallet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck.

It's a series of tubes.

And if you don't understand those tubes can be filled and if they are filled, when you put your bribe in, it gets in line and its going to be delayed by anyone that puts into
that tube enormous amounts of bribes, enormous amounts of bribes.

Now we have a separate Department of Defense bribe-line now, did you know that?

Do you know why?

Because they have to have theirs delivered immediately. They can't afford getting delayed by other people.

Incredible, a stinging rebuke of both those who would seek to punish him for accepting bribes, and also the bribers who are apparently pushing his wallet to the very limits. Shame on you, bribers. Ted Stevens’ wallet is not a dump truck.

It’s a series of tubes.


  1. Ted Stevens will be sorely missed. The Series of tubes line became such a joke that I had totally forgot about the dump truck bit. Truly hilarious.

  2. Good freaking god, what does he even mean to say?