Wednesday, September 2, 2009

The Great Wingnut Lunar Eclipse

If you think Glenn Beck is sufficiently insane on his own (and yesterday I certainly did), just wait until you see him team up with Rush Limbaugh! That’s right, Rush himself called into a very special episode of Glenn Beck’s Rambling Insanity Hour this week. The two of them took a few minutes to talk about how the stakes are really high and how profoundly frightened they are and how we’re going to see Obama make a play for Dictator-For-Life any minute now.

Naturally the Freepers ate this shit up, because paranoid fantasy scenarios are only slightly less vital to the wellbeing of Freepers than food and water and air. A few months ago I declared that we were witnessing Peak Conservatism- I know now that I was wrong. The sheer heights of lunacy we saw back then are nothing compared to the statements Rush and Beck have got them all ginned up into making now. Witnesses of this special media event gathered in these two threads to discuss how ready they now are to whip out a gun and murder some liberals:

Stockpirate shows the same basic confusion with political terms that seems to dog every internet conservative:

Glenn Beck is an alarmist who is right on the
money! To arms, to arms, the communist fascists
are HERE!
If these ‘communist fascists’ have truly arrived then you should be able to explain the inherent contradictions of their two completely incompatible ideologies and make them disappear in a puff of logic- problem solved! Himno Hero is worried about the grave threat to America posed by the Russian monarchy, apparently:

Another czar? Now there is what 49? We are in
deeeeep shit! Time to face up to the facts!
They are already running a PARALLEL GOVERNMENT.

Next step is a crisis and they shift the power of
the military from the senate to the czars. Then
the people are S*C*R*E*W*E*D!

I mean sure, using ‘czar’ as a shorthand nickname for another post dates back to World War II, and sure their hero G. W. Bush had almost as many czars as Obama, but don’t let that distract you from how scary the word ‘czar’ sounds! Also hopefully you have no idea where the word comes from and don’t know that czars and communists should by nature be mortal enemies, but luckily your average freeper has literally no understanding of the words he hears from Rush and uses himself on a daily basis.

Sig Sauer P220 makes yet another Field Trip appearance:

I believe its going to come down to an armed
revolution. I see no other way.
Great job Rush and Beck, you’ve riled the belief in democracy right out of him. Nikos1121 tries to bring back a classic oldie:

Is it just a coincidence that Obama’s vacation and
seclusion coincides with RAMADAN?

It also coincided with Thursday, a day named after the god of thunder- Thor. A writer on this blog was once called “thunder-god” during an incident involving a tarp. Coincidence? I don’t think so. Obama writes for the Train of Thought. I’d like to imagine Chris37 was stroking his gun while he typed this up:

I have been of the opinion that there will be no
more federal elections in this country for some
time now. They ain’t giving up power. It’s going
to have to be taken from them.
Not even close to crazy compared to this one:

Honestly the way things are going if Beck and
Limbaugh disappeared I would not be shocked.
I sure hope those bloated fear-mongering demagogues are OK! Keats5 cracks me up:

I love Beck. He’s one of the few who really
investigates his own stories instead of just
passing around someone else’s news.
Does anyone who starts writing down incoherent ideas and misspelled conspiracy theories on blackboards get Freepcredit for ‘really investigating stories’? Someone hand me some chalk, I’ve got tons of seemingly unrelated events to string together! Bert lives in a terrifying place called Freeper Fantasyland:

If push comes to shove, the Secret Service will
off him. Marines will round up his comrades and
it will be all over except lawyers volunteering
for defense will be imprisoned.
And here we on the left wasted all that time hoping that Bush would be arrested and receive a trial- turns out a summary execution leading into a military coup would have been way more efficient! Blood of Tyrants sure has seen a lot in his day:

I have always noticed that there is a gradual
rising crescendo just before the storm.

Hahaha, yep, hard to miss. Toespi thinks this is a good time to up the general offensiveness of the thread:

Well, I guess we could ask the German Jews if
anything like this is possible. Not many left,
but I am sure we could dig a few up. Would
love to ask them where they thought they were
going when they so peacefully and willingly lined
up to get on the trains.
Uh… alright. Moving right on, Nervous Tick goes back to hoping for a military coup to overthrow our democratically elected government, because that’s what the hopes and dreams of the modern conservative movement have come to:

If our military says Bambi and his thugs don’t
stay in power, well then, they don’t stay in
power. Case closed.

At this point we have our customary dissident who tries to bring the rambling masses back to their senses:

Beck and those who adhere to his paranoid ramblings
are out of their collective minds.

Nice try, Verity. A bunch of posters assure him that Beck and Limbaugh are being perfectly reasonable and that all these people calling for assassinating the President and overthrowing the American government to replace it with a military dictatorship know exactly what they’re doing. I’ll close us out with this post by Cherry, which has many of the elements of the perfect freep post:

there will be a number of black soldiers who will
form their own army for zero.....
and it’ll be a muslim army....
The… horror…

1 comment:

  1. When I re-tweeted this comment from oliver willis:RT @owillis: shorter @glennbeck: you know what i hate? black people in power. thats what i hate.

    I got this in response from a beck supporter:
    @SimplyGilly: @owillis @postracialist @mardod @ManWithoutPants Only 1 person claimed 2 hear that & the rest RT like it was fact. NOT true & disgraceful!

    These people are so much fun, I can't wait till the 12th.