Thursday, September 10, 2009

Dear Mr. President,

STOP PRETENDING THE REPUBLICANS ARE NEGOTIATING WITH YOU IN GOOD FAITH! THEY AREN'T! THEY NEVER WILL! THEY'RE OUT THERE TO RUIN YOUR ADMINISTRATION BY WHATEVER MEANS NECESSARY, BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT THE OPPOSITION PARTY DOES AND BECAUSE COMPANIES CAN BUY AND SELL POLITICIANS AND BECAUSE A BUNCH OF THEM ARE LITERALLY CRAZY.

YOU WANT TO COMPROMISE YOUR WAY TO A BIPARTISAN BILL? HERE ARE THEIR GOALS, PLEASE NOTE THAT THEY ARE UNWILLING TO COMPROMISE ON ANY OF THESE:

GOAL #1. RUIN YOUR ADMINISTRATION SO THAT YOU CAN BE REPLACED BY THE TWO CRAZIEST PEOPLE THEY CAN RUSTLE UP IN 2012. PALIN/BACHMANN? BECK/LIMBAUGH? WHO KNOWS, THE SKY IS THE LIMIT!
GOAL #2. STOP ANY MEANINGFUL REFORM. IF IT CUTS INTO THE PROFITS OF ANY INSURANCE COMPANY BY SO MUCH AS ONE GODDAMN DOLLAR, IT'S UNACCEPTABLE TO THIS CROWD. AGAIN, TO SUMMARIZE: YOU'RE WORKING ON HEALTHCARE REFORM WITH A PARTY THAT WILL NEVER EVER ACCEPT ANY ACTUAL REFORM. EVER.
GOAL #3. GO BEYOND GOAL #2 AND ACTUALLY SOMEHOW DELIVER EVEN MORE MONEY TO THE INSURANCE COMPANIES.

KEEP GIVING THEM A SEAT AT THE NEGOTIATING TABLE AND WE'RE EVENTUALLY GOING TO HAVE A BILL THAT REQUIRES EVERY AMERICAN TO EMPTY THEIR BANK ACCOUNT INTO AN ENVELOPE AND FEDEX IT TO THE NEAREST INSURANCE COMPANY. GREAT JOB MR. PRESIDENT, BIPARTISAN STREET CRED ACQUIRED!

Yours truly,
J.N.

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