Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Train of Thought Field Trip: Shoe Derangement Syndrome

Mocking freepers might be easier than shooting fish in a barrel, but sometimes I just can’t help myself. After spending several hours watching a .gif file of the incident I started to wonder who could possibly see it and keep a straight face. Personally, my favorite part is that Bush somehow seems more surprised by the second shoe than the first. “Heh, close call there, now I’m gonna teach that Shoesy a lesson… WHAT?! A SECOND SHOE?! WHERE DID HE GET THAT???

If anyone can be counted on to take an uproariously funny event and suck all the fun out (replacing it with a healthy dose of hatred and xenophobia), it’s Free Republic. At some point in the last month they’ve recovered from the shock of finding out that McCain wasn’t actually ahead of Obama all along- apparently every poll in the business got it right! I’ve taken the extreme displeasure of trawling through three shoe-themed threads, and passed the racism and stupidity directly on to you! Here we goooooooooooooo:

Determined to create a perpetual motion machine using spinning Python corpses, NaughtiusMaximus connects the dots and comes to a horrifying conclusion:

“Well, the United States just elected an appeaser and some asshat journalist just threw shoes at the President of the United States with apparent impunity. The next act of major league terror is coming soon to a city near you. The government will not be able to protect you. Take steps to protect yourself and your family.”

Signs of the end times, no doubt about it. Jimfree has harbored a grudge against Damascus, MD, for quite some time:

“My oldest worn out filthy shoes are aimed at Damascus, Riyahd and the usual places.”

You tell ‘em, buddy. Doc1019 agrees with Jimfree:

“The back end of my toilet faces Mecca … there, take that Mohammed.”

You think that’s offensive? I’ve invented a toilet that rotates to face Jerusalem, the Ganges River, and the Western Wall. Who will dare to throw shoes at me now? Next, Paige points out something the media forgot to mention:

“HEY brain dead MEDIA MORONS, they are MUSLIMS, the guy who threw the shoe is a MUSLIM, stop with the ARAB BS. MOST of all, they hate our AMERICAN Guts. The despicable Muslim putz DISRESPECTED TO THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES IS DEPLORABLE.”

ALSO, THE THOUGHT OF TURNING OFF THE CAPSLOCK KEY OR USING SOME GRAMMAR ONCE IN A WHILE… DEPLORABLE. Yooper may have found a job for Bush, post-presidency:

“Pretty amazing reflexes. I’d have W on my dodgeball team any day.”

Godawful president, but… man, he sure can dodge a shoe! If you hear anything it’s just the sound of the bar being lowered so far that it emerges on the other side of the world. Meanwhile Jwalsh07 doesn’t seem to understand the concept of poetry, or justice, or really anything for that matter:

“Bush should have shot him. Poetic justice and all.”

Robert A. Cook wraps things up with an awe-inspiring post that brings in a few of our favorites:

“So, if we hold up our shoes to Obama’s face during his next speech, he could not be insulted, could he?
After all, to look at a man’s shoe is only an insult to a Muslim. Right?”


But Robert A. Cook would have to be a Muslim to use that as an insult, but if that were the case he couldn’t possibly be an racist anti-Muslim internet user, but if he isn’t then his post doesn’t make any sense, but then (head explodes)

I promise I’ll find a fresh supply of morons for our next field trip, but for now let’s all just take a moment to appreciate the relentless font of stupidity that is The Free Republic.

2 comments:

  1. "Personally, my favorite part is that Bush somehow seems more surprised by the second shoe than the first."

    I didn't notice that until you pointed it out, he seems genuinely surprised by the second throw!

    I'm glad that the secret service were slow enough to allow that hero to get the second shoe off, but guys, please get that shit in check by the 20th.

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  2. "The despicable Muslim putz DISRESPECTED TO THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES IS DEPLORABLE.”

    Even for Freepers that's pretty incoherent.

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