Thursday, April 17, 2008

The Joe Buck Disgusting Act of the Week: Rahm Emanuel and Bill Clinton

The Joe Buck Disgusting Act of the Week is awarded to whatever event/person best deserves Joe Buck's unnecessary and over the top outrage after a 2004 Randy Moss' touchdown celebration.

Rahm Emanuel:
"We've put about $45 billion into Iraq's reconstruction . . . and they have not spent their own resources...They have got to have some skin in the game."
"Skin" in the game? SKIN? How about several hundred thousand dead you prick! Is that enough "skin" for you? And just when you think you've heard the worst... enter former president Bill Clinton:
He boils down complex international affairs to the most digestible basics—Iraq is a neighbor still crashing on your couch five years after his house burned down. “It’s not about the fire anymore,” he says.
There is so much nonsense in that statement I really don't know where to begin. First things first, if you're gonna use such a ridiculous analogy, lets at least get the main thrust of it right. Bill, I'm not sure if you were paying attention in 2003 or not, but unlike Billy Joel, we DID start the fire! So, I guess that makes it a lot less like a fire in this guys house, and more like arson committed by us. But even with that out of the way, it's still idiotic, so I figure we might as well just rewrite his quote in order to make it closer to reality:
He boils down complex international affairs to the most digestible basics—He tells the crowd that Iraq is like that time when you had a bad day at work and decided to torch your neighbor's house. "After you torched his house, you figured it's only right to invite him to crash on your couch till he gets a new house. Wait, did I say crash on your couch? Sorry, I meant to say that after the fire you went to the burnt rubble where he now lives and beat the crap out of him every day for the next couple of years until his family has had enough and decides it's safer to be homeless than live in the rubble with him. After a while, other people start joining you when you beat the guy up, and pretty soon every psychopath in the neighborhood is walking a few blocks over to kick his ass, or just start another fire where his house used to be. As you can imagine, this starts to get out of hand, and thats when you have might have to stop beating up him up everyday, give him the tough love he needs by telling him: 'Hey buddy, it's not about the fire anymore'"
Even though my fake quote may have gone on far too long, the funny part is that it still makes a hell of a lot more sense then the actual quote from our former president.

This is a serious problem. Back in the fall I was worried that this trend would spread among democrats who don't feel like they can oppose the war without stooping to the racist rhetoric of the colonial powers. This type of talk is truly disgraceful, but if people think that racism works for short term political gain, (and clearly, some democrats do) you know someone's gonna take the bait.

1 comment:

  1. the audacity of it all is really shocking, even for Big Willie. this may have been the funniest blog post ever for the train of thought. i can't tell you how excited i am to be a part of this blog.