Sarah Palin Starts Writing an Article; A Bunch of Stupid Crap Ensues

Republicans are still atwitter about the hacked emails from the University of East Anglia- I wouldn’t have assumed the shaming of a college most of them had never heard of before would bring this much joy, but these days I guess they’ll take what they can get. The content of the emails is a mixed bag, with some genuinely bad stuff amongst others with no real significance.  Listening to the major mouthpieces of the right you would assume that they had uncovered evidence of a major plot spanning hundreds of universities, governments, and research agencies, but 99.9% of them are left untouched by this entire scandal. Better luck next time, Russian hackers!

In a more reasonable world Sarah Palin would have been issued a restraining order keeping her from approaching any keyboard following her facebook outbursts (I’m still really glad we’ve spent so much the last few months talking about death panels instead of discussing the best way to overhaul the healthcare system!), but the powers that be were unconvinced by my campaign. Today she took time out of fleecing idiots to write up a response to “Climategate.” Let’s read it together!

First, Palin summarizes the event and says that today:

the radical environmental movement appears to face a tipping point.

They’re facing a tipping point? “A previously rare phenomenon [which becomes] rapidly and dramatically more common,” that’s what they’re facing? Is she insinuating that climatologists around the world should expect to have their emails taken by hackers in the dead of night, like being visited by shitty computer-savvy reverse-Santa Claus’s? Or is she saying that scientists will have to deal with more politically-motivated attempts to manufacture controversy on the subject? That’s already been happening for some time, I don’t think “tipping point” really applies there either. She continues:

The agenda-driven policies being pushed in Copenhagen won't change the weather, but they would change our economy for the worse.

That Sarah, she still has it! The ability to clumsily deliver zingers, that is. By the way, does she really believe that the Copenhagen summit is being arranged by a shadowy cabal whose main goal is to cripple the American economy for no reason whatsoever? She isn’t done yet:

I've always believed that policy should be based on sound science, not politics.

And that’s why she devoted this article to attacking scientists with political arguments. It’s so backwards it almost makes sense!

As governor of Alaska, I took a stand against politicized science when I sued the federal government over its decision to list the polar bear as an endangered species despite the fact that the polar bear population had more than doubled.

More than doubled after decades of protection which began after their numbers dwindled to less than 10,000- is that the same doubling you’re referring to, Palin? I’m glad she had the pugnacity to sue Washington for protecting a vulnerable species, that’s a real act of courage right there. Then again we’re talking about a governor who proudly shoots animals from a helicopter, so I guess “not being a terrible human being” isn’t something to which she’s ever tried to lay claim.

This would have irreversibly hurt both Alaska's economy and the nation's, while also reducing opportunities for responsible development.

I had no idea that killing polar bears makes up a vital part of the Alaskan and national economy! You can learn so much by listening to Palin.

But while we recognize the occurrence of these natural, cyclical environmental trends, we can't say with assurance that man's activities cause weather changes.

We can’t say with assurance what happens to all the carbon dioxide we release- perhaps fairies use it to power their magical dream machines! You wouldn’t want to deny them their beloved dreams, would you?!

In his inaugural address, President Obama declared his intention to "restore science to its rightful place." But instead of staying home from Copenhagen and sending a message that the United States will not be a party to fraudulent scientific practices, the president has upped the ante.

Republican leaders change. The Republican war on science remains the same.

“We sit together, the war on science and I,
until only the war remains.”
-Evil Republican Li Bai