Monday, July 27, 2009

Train of Thought Field Trip: In The Grim Future Of The Birther Movement, There Is Only War

Watching Freepers decide whether they hate Muslims or communists more has lost some of its joy- their savage bloodlust always falls on the side of killing Muslims. A whole new matchup has come from an unlikely source, though- the Birthers. These are the guys who started by saying that Obama might not have been born in the USA, and have now advanced to positing that he’s the illegitimate Pakistani son of Malcolm X used as an anchor baby by his insane anti-American mother (honestly it would really make my day if even just one part of that turned out to be true). Naturally this viewpoint is pretty popular amongst the Free Republic/ Tea Party crowd.

Oddly enough our conflict comes from Ann Coulter, who decided that this whole thing is too out there (!!!) and dismissed the issue moments before calling the Birthers “cranks.” Hold on, don’t give her too many points for coming to a reasonable conclusion just yet! Keep in mind that she undoubtedly realized what very few of the Freepers have: that the GOP can ill afford to spend more time looking like insane racists. Whining about Sotomayor’s Latina pride and going on for months about how this black guy with an American certificate of live birth couldn’t possibly be an American is a recipe for disaster, assuming Republican politicians hope to eventually be electable outside the South once more.

What will triumph this time- the urge to follow their demagogue, or the promise of eventually unseating that damn Barack HUSSEIN Obama, Black Dude and President? This thread has all the answers:

Nanook sets the tone, albeit with a slightly puzzling non sequitur at the end:

Coulter has gone over to the dark side. Her
dark roots are showing.
Indeed they are, friend. BornToBeAmerican apparently hasn’t heard the good news:

Anne, you are losing it girl. In fact, I think
you have already. There would be No issue if
zero would show his Birth Certificate. Until
then, stop drinking the dims koolaide
Mr. K must have slept through the period where any Republican who suggested that Palin may not have been the best choice was tarred and feathered:

OK Coulter HAS NOT ‘gone to the dark side’ because
of this ONE ISSUE. Let’s not be as stupid as
democraps here. Ann Coulter is still one of the
most brilliant conservative voices that exist and
we need her. She is apparently not informed well
enough of the facts on this one issue.
Maybe she wouldn’t be one of your most brilliant voices if you hadn’t chased anyone with a functioning brain out of town? InvisibleChurch has no idea how the media works:

It doesn’t really matter if it’s true or not, no
one will be able to remove him from office. The
point is to keep pressure on the press, keep them
wasting resources refuting and defending it.

Psst buddy: a lively argument about stuff like this is how the media makes money, the more ridiculous crap you guys make up the happier they get. “Keep pressure on the press,” good lord, perhaps eventually they’ll drown in gold coins while attempting a Scrooge McDuck-style dive. The next post, by veteran poster FuzzyButt, reminds me of one of my favorite parts of Freeper logic:

I cannot believe that Ann Colter is bowing at the
alter of the looney left. Because Ann dear, that
is what you are doing if you carry even one drop
of water for this evil muslim fool.

If you haven’t arrived at the most outlandishly ridiculous conclusion possible, YOU are a member of the loony left! Extremely Extreme Extremist sounds like he was personally insulted by the DHS report, which means he must have some sort of critical insight on this issue:

Obama is not a natural-born U.S. citizen as
defined by the Constitution, and it's only a
matter of time before Americans will accept
an African-style communist dictatorship or a
short-term period of unrest and riots by the
Obamabots but which will restore our
Constitution.

Oh okay, I can see how one thing follows from the other. Rational Thought is an awesome username, pretend I wrote a joke about irony or something:

The trip I was referring to was the one a few
weeks before the Presidential election. The one
where he went to see his grandmother since she
wasn't doing so well. After the election, when
there was some free time, I noticed he didn't go
back to see her again.

I wonder if that’s because she died? Nah, couldn’t be. I can tell Bareford101 was THIS CLOSE to making an ACORN reference:

Coulter is bowing to pressure it sounds like...
who knows what the threats involve...

Finally WOSG shows up and starts making sense- which doesn’t go over well with his fellow forums users:

IMHO, Obama was born in Honolulu *AND* he will
never do anything to satisfy those with doubts
on that score (disbelievers of the evidence),
since it benefits him politically to have this
distraction out there.

You are correct, sir! Why anyone smart enough to figure that out would ever stick around on Free Republic is a mystery to me, it seems like they should be able to find some internet forum where they won’t be harassed and eventually banned for not being batshit insane. As my final exhibit here I’ll post the first of many angry replies WOSG received, from Jimbo123:

You cite George Soros’ FactCheck.org as your
source? That’s a good one...

Address any of his points? No way duder, I’m just here to shit up the thread with a clich├ęd Soros reference and then blast off into the aether in a rocket ship powered by my own farts, bye!

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