Wednesday, September 10, 2008

More from the McCain Commonplace Book

Additional excerpts from the personal writings of John Sydney McCain. Special thanks to JJ and Nimsofa, who were kind enough to provide the last two. If you guys or anyone else have transcribed any more, feel free to leave them in the comments! Here we go:

26. Man produces maddening ballot which defies laws of space and time- impossible to find Musgrove vs Wicker, drives electorate mad
32. satanic mass in graveyard- eerie ritual to choose VP- divining from the signs- abuse of power, love of pork, mooseburgers- who could it be?
83. pilot experiences dreams in which he repeatedly crashes his plane, THEN realizes that it was not a dream, it was his airforce career
109. unspeakable bridge is constructed without any destination
135. monstrous weddings- gays marrying leaves observer in the clutches of icy fear. He then (kills himself? learns to tolerate others?)
191. Inexplicable madness- ‘turd blossom’ makes statements which cannot be logically reconciled with his own earlier statements. Perhaps he is an elder god? madman? Liar?
347. eldritch document causes insanity in anyone who reads it- bill of rights. Republican reads it, describe what happens next- horrifying ending
602. deficit eventually swells to such size that no one can comprehend its true magnitude. it is stored in an impossible void outside of the universe.
1,887. man cannot remember difference between shiite and sunni. Continually confuses the two. one morning he trips over a skeleton, it is very scary.

From JJ and Nimsofa, respectively:

2,136. Jimmy Carter, Michael Moore, Keith Olbermann and COMMUNITY ORGANIZERS plot a future of socialized medicine and protectionism at GROUND ZERO - Reagan's Ghost goes mad, drowns self in the reflecting pool.
2,138. Democrats push for alternative fuels does nothing to halt global warming. Scientist throw hands in air proclaiming "Our bad. Guess man is not responsible." World burns in firery, then freezing terror. But...Conservative Republicans who voted McCain-Palin are safe living on the incomplete offshore platform trasformed into a shanty town after they could no longer stand to live in an America of such prosperity, higher education, and tolerance of all human beings...under a black president. And maybe, Jesus is there or something, and he's like "i'm back guys! been a long 4000 years, huh? please, please put down those guns and crosses. they BOTH make me very uncomfortable."

Whew, I’m going to have nightmares tonight, for sure.


  1. ??. Obama travels back in time by reading through the missing pieces of his own memoirs (butterfly effect, anyone?). Warns himself of the incompetance of the Democratic party and elects to become his own VP in place of Biden. McCain-Palin send the Governator back using the LHC (I think it can do that) to stop the Obama/Obama ticket from ever being born. Chronicles of Obama girl begins. Paradox of Democrats winning a presidential election in the 21st century destroys universe.

  2. Speaking of Turd Blossom, here's a video of Karl Rove that's funny: