Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Bobby Jindal Is Unironically Funny

When RB texted me that Bobby Jindal made a funny speech, I was fairly skeptical. However, this is actually pretty damn hilarious by politician standards. Some highlights:

They say this is a place where you can come and tell jokes about the President…poke fun at yourself…set political ambition aside and just generally say anything you want.

Kind of like the Romney campaign.
. . .
Actually…after my infamous State of the Union response in 2009, I appreciate this opportunity to try to be funny on purpose.

I think my performance that night would have been better if I had just taken a 10-minute sip of water, interrupted by 30 seconds of speaking.
. . .
You all don’t know this…but the President and I had the exact same campaign slogan years ago.

But unfortunately UPS sued both of us and made us stop using it…you remember our slogan– ‘what can brown do for you?’

Speaking of brown, I was hoping to see my good friend John Boehner here.
. . .
When I first went to congress, I would always get asked by friends –“hey, have you met my friend congressman so and so.”

So I of course responded – I don’t know, all white people look alike to me.
After a while…I found a better answer.

I would simply say…um…let me think…is he a middle aged white guy, slightly balding, a little thick around the middle?”

They would always say – “yep, that’s him”…Worked every time.
. . .
I was actually hoping to see my good friend John McCain here tonight.

In 2008, John talked to me about the Vice Presidency. I told John not to consider me or even vet me for VP.

I wasn’t ready for the job and I was afraid he might do something crazy…glad we avoided that.
. . .
I had a meeting with a man earlier today who says that his name is Reince Priebus and he insists that he is Chairman of the Republican Party.

Hard to imagine a better name than “Reince Priebus” to connect with the working class people and show that we aren’t one-percenters.

At least I had the political foresight at the age of 4 to change my name to Bobby.
. . .
I see Mark Sanford is running for office again. Sanford was so committed to outsourcing that he even shipped his wife’s job overseas.. . .
I ran into Joe Biden earlier today. I don’t think he recognized me though. He asked me to go get him a Slurpee.
. . .
You know, a lot of people warned me that if I voted for Mitt Romney, a Wall Street robber baron who hid his money in secretive Grand Cayman bank accounts would end up running the U.S. Treasury.

I see Jack Lew is here tonight.  Good thing that job went to you instead, Jack.

Speaking of cabinet secretaries. Mr. President, while it was a nice bipartisan gesture, I still think it was a bad idea to have Romney’s pollsters prepare Chuck Hagel for his confirmation hearing…
Not bad, although slightly disappointing we didn't get a volcano monitoring reference.

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