Train of Thought Field Trip: ResistNet: The Aftermath

ResistNet might not be the largest meeting place for lunatics on the internet, but it does have the most heart! Two months ago we bravely ventured into the dark recesses of their forums to bring you the highlights of their insanity, capturing them here forever like a mosquito stuck in prehistoric amber. Also like a mosquito in amber, however, this unleashed a host of troubles* upon us. Packs of wingnuts followed the trail of mockery back to its source and did their best to annoy us here, culminating in some of the weakest trolls in the history of bothering people over the internet. The whole episode came to a close when their attention span (stretched to the breaking point by a week-long spread of posts) finally called it quits, forcing them to go home and discuss how evil Muslims are and exactly how badly they want to overthrow the government on their own forum.

The most interesting relics from this period are the threads made on ResistNet itself about us. The idea that liberals (dark enemies of all that’s good and holy) were “tracking” them (mocking their stupidity on the internet) set their paranoia glands into maximum overdrive, producing a series of threads full of bizarre fantasies about doing battle with this monolithic, Gestapo-style enemy (The Train of Thought and Tars Tarkas, specifically). It was then that someone uncovered the truth: we’ve been commissioned by ACORN and given piles of money and free houseboats by Keith Olbermann and George Soros. At least one of these threads was locked and then deleted by the moderators because of excessive** insanity, but some have survived. The following was taken from this thread, entitled “FBI, Liberal Sites Monitoring us, taking our names.”

George and Pat Wilkins start off the festivities with a fantastic post, which begins thusly:

Who Cares? Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Franklin,
Thomas Pane, Patrick Henry, George Washington,
were all revolutionaries and I am a revolutionary.
Socialist Marxism, Communism, athism, have no part
in the american discourse they are unamerican.

Atheists, in my United States?! Ugh, unacceptable- I’m sure they also have some harsh words for the secularists and Deists amongst the Founding Fathers. Patsy apparently envisions us as The Department of the Train of Thought, located in an expansive compound outside Washington DC:

If our government is busy watching the millions
of people who are rising up against obamas rule,
who is watching the terrorists?

Diana B has been watching the terrorists, as it turns out:

Hahaha! That's really funny. WE are watching the
terrorists -- AND LOOK WHERE THEY ARE: “OBAMA PUTS
MUSLIMS IN THE WHITE HOUSE” by World Net Daily

Nothing like good old-fashioned racism to take a thread up to the next level. Darren (already noted here for his contributions in the past) proudly posts a letter he sent to the White House- I’ve cut it down due to length, but please feel free to click here and go 2/3 of the way down the page to read the entire thing. I promise the rest of it is even crazier than this portion would suggest:

Obama: You are a SOCIALIST a Marxist...you liar.
You are a fraud and a deceiver. You are pure evil.
You're not fooling the discerning. Your radical
past and current actions expose you. I pray you
fail for if you succeed you will destroy this
country to bring about your totalitarian socialist
dream. You and your wife have always hated America
and you plan to radically change it with your
foundation of Karl Marx replacing the Constitution
which you don't understand at all or do and despise
it. Sadly you are an enemy within this nation. A
destroyer. Wicked. Perhaps you should go back to
Indonesia where your true citizenship lies.

Dennis Howell TX4 District Coord likes what he sees:

Damn, Darren tell him how you really feal lol.
Whats realy funny is I feel the exact same way.

Ah, the District Coordinators, the cream of the crop. He can’t spell “feel” or “really” or use punctuation, but I’m sure a laughable grasp of the English language won’t get in the way of his district coordinating duties. Phil Dedrick has IMPORTANT BREAKING NEWS:

Everyone needs to realize that on the ballot
last NOVEMBER, if you did not vote for the left,
they already have your name and number!!!

YES WE DO. The Train of Thought was sent a list of Republican voters by Rahm Emmanuel himself days after the election, which we frequently use for nefarious purposes. That’s just one of the perks of being part of the Obama Shadow Army (there are other perks but you have to swear fealty to ACORN before you can hear about them). Next up- I’ll give Jeff Hill the benefit of the doubt and say that he’s probably referring to government agents, but given the rest of what we’ve seen I wouldn’t be surprised either way:

Obama is a socialist and a Muslim. We know that.
We are Americans. My question, spook, is :
Are you with us or against us ?

Timothy M. Keisner chips in with this fascinating anecdote:

YES TO ALL THAT YOU STATED!.AND I DID SPELL MY NAME
RIGHT AND IN FULL. NOTHING TOO HIDE HERE I WAS BORN
WITH FREEDOM IN48 AND I SEEN A LOT HAPPEN MY MOTHER
MET JFK AT THE STRATEGIST AIR COMMAND I.E. OFFIT AIR
FORCE BASE NEBRASKA THEN I MET BOBBY WHEN HE WAS
RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT JUST 2 MILES NORTH OF WHERE
HIS BROTHER WAS HE JUST UP AND STOPPED AND DECIDED
TO TALK TO WHOM EVER WOULD STOP THAT WAS A BLAST IT
WAS AT THE SOUTHROADS SHOPPING CENTER THAT IS STILL
THERE NOW I.E. BELLEVUE NE. COURSE I KNEW THEN EVEN
AT MY YOUNG AGE 19 THAT IS HE WOULD NEVER MAKE IT.

SORRY TO BLABBER ON. THEY WILL NEVER TAKE MY FREEDOM
MY LIFE THEY CAN HAVE BUT NEVER MY FREEDOM.

That post is the unambiguous winner of the Field Trip Award For Outstanding Achievements In The Field Of Incoherent Posting. BarbeLou reflects on the changing times:

I have always been a laid back, roll with the
flow type of person so I find it quite amusing
that I am now a radical and possibly a domestic
terrorist. Oh, how times have changed.
Bring it on, Bozos!

She isn’t sure if she’s a domestic terrorist? I would imagine most people are normally pretty sure about whether or not they qualify, but hanging out at ResistNet must change your perspective on these things. WingsofBird’s keystrokes will echo across history:

They BETTER worry, because millions of us will
not go quietly. DID YOIU READ THAT>>LIBERAL
LEFTIST COMMUNIST, CAPITALISM- GOD HATERS
READ MY KEYSTROKES!!

This question could apply to almost any of these posts, but what sort of parallel universe does he come from?! Does he go to work in the morning, get lunch with his friends at noon, wave hi to the neighbor as he returns home in the evening, and then start defiantly screaming about how he'll fight to the very death, and about how the US is about to transform into an enormous national gulag, a Guantanamo Bay stretching from sea to shining sea? Trying to figure out how any of these people function in real life is a time-consuming exercise. Next up the thread briefly turns into a Michele Bachman adoration station, which is cool because I had no idea that anyone anywhere holds a positive opinion of her. Finally at the end Bill Mullins has a strange moment of clarity:

If the left is monitoring this site it can be for
only one reason - to get fodder for a "Dumb
Conservative Joke of The Day" website.

Yep, either that or the scary option where we’re agents of a sinister movement to destroy America- whichever seems more likely. I’d also like to include one post from another thread, this one sadly deleted (it had been located here):

"By the way J.N. , what is your real name??????
Yeah Right!!!! Coward!!!!!!!!! You yourself better
stop making insinuating threats like the above one
to Joyce Rosenwald!!!! Understand, J.N.!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!! You think this is the only place in the
world that can be shut down????????? Why don`t you
come on here and talk to the PATRIOTS!! Hope you
get to sneak back in here and read this!!!! Don`t
care for your trashy liberal posts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!! Like everything else liberal, it is a waste!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Ahahahhahahhahahahhahahhahahahaha, so this is what ownage feels like. ResistNet is always fun- after looking through all these posts again I'm getting tempted to head back and see how they've come along in the last 7 or 8 weeks. Perhaps soon we can all travel back- back to Resistnet.

*Actually just minor annoyances, at worst. Imagine Pandora’s Box but instead of containing all of the world’s ills it just has a bunch of goofy rants about how stupid we are, and childish nicknames for our website. That’s all.
**Excessive even by their standards, so… lord help us all.