Burmese Government Status Update: Still Extremely Shitty

The goons in Mandalay must have been getting fidgety over the last few months- no massive anti-government protests to brutally suppress, no life-shattering tsunami relief for them to bungle, no fun at all. I can only imagine their joy when they saw a chance to do something they do very well: fuck with Aung San Suu Kyi, the Nobel Peace Prize and national election winner. What’s her crime this time?

“On May 3, according to the Burmese state press,
an American man illegally swam across a lake to
Suu Kyi's waterfront villa and snuck into her
compound for two nights.

Though Suu Kyi's lawyer has said she was
upset to discover an unexpected visitor in her
home, the democracy activist could still face
five years in jail if she is convicted.”

Her crime was being the owner of a house which was broken into? Also, what is the point of jailing someone you’ve already kept under house arrest for the better part of two decades?

There’s also some great news about the upcoming elections:

“Polls may well be held in 2010, but they will
not take place on a level playing field. Top
posts will be reserved for members of the military,
and arcane rules have been designed to keep Suu Kyi
and other NLD stalwarts from running for office.
Burma-watchers also fear that ballot boxes will be
stuffed to ensure that the military doesn't lose as
it did so spectacularly in 1990.”

Apparently it came as quite a surprise to the military in 1990 that everyone hated them. 20 years later they figure another round of elections would be fun, but their main concern is just avoiding a ‘spectacular’ loss? I can’t wait to see what the future has in store for the Myanmar junta.

Progress Marches On in Myanmar (or “Burma, it’s an industry term”)

Go ahead and picture this if you will: Rule by military junta. An oppressed democracy movement. A Nobel Peace Prize winner under house arrest. Peaceful demonstrations by monks cut short by gunfire. A disastrous cyclone followed by a government response so skilled it makes the Hurricane Katrina assistance from FEMA look positively amateurish.

Yes, there’s only one place that fits all of these criteria: Burma! Technically all I really had to type was the one about house arrest, as Burma is currently the only country in the world to have taken the bold move of imprisoning a Nobel Peace Prize winner. Still, it does feel good to have all of accomplishments of the Burmese government listed in one paragraph.

The last time we heard about Burma in the news was when the junta put an end to what some refer to as the Saffron Revolution. Those of us who have been raised in the decadent West have no idea what it must be like to live in a country with so many Buddhist monks running around, peacefully agitating for human rights and democracy- what unspeakable horror! Fortunately the junta was able to take a few cues from its friends in Beijing, and quickly restored law and order and harsh merciless oppression to the land.

I know that I’m personally pretty glad that the United States, United Nations, European Union, ASEAN, and pretty much every other potential force for good in the world were happy to sit that one out. One factor partially explaining why the U.S. didn’t do anything may be the efforts of one Doug Goodyear, who was until quite recently the coordinator for the 2008 Republican National Convention. Turns out his lobbying firm had accepted a contract from the junta, to try and improve relations between DC and the Burmese government!

With this deal exposed and Myanmar likely not getting its moneys worth, I’ve taken it upon myself to provide a few potential slogans for use on posters, flyers, t-shirts, and blinking flashing moving pop-up ads:

• Aung San Suu Kyi rocks the house! (with a picture of the house she’s been confined to for 18 or so years)
  
• Myanmar: More than just dead monks! (probably don’t want a picture for this one)
• Military Junta? More like FUN-ta! (attempt the impossible task of procuring a picture of any Burmese citizen having fun)

Today the news is again filled with images of the Burmese regime doing what it does best. Food only somewhat extremely past its prime is being distributed to survivors. The military, with little else to do while the people of Burma struggle to survive, has taken to hassling the monks again. A good thing, too, because the monks were close to overshadowing the official government response, despite having practically no resources. Outside help has been largely rejected by the government. Yes, progress truly marches on in Burma.